Wonder
by Lissie
Summary: A ficlet about Danny Jr. after he finds out about his parentage.


Title: Wonder  
  
Author: Ally  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Summary: A ficlet about Danny Jr. after he finds out about his parentage.   
  
Disc: Don't own. Don't know.  
  
Notes: Please leave constructive criticism. And please note that this is my first attempt at a PH fic. So....be nice? I usually write humor fics, and am sort of new to this genre.   
  
****  
  
I wonder sometimes if I would be better off dead.   
  
  
I've been lied to my entire life.   
  
  
I really and truly thought that Rafe McCawley was my father; that Daniel Walker was my godfather who died in the war. I thought that Katie and Jimmy and Jake were my true siblings. And I thought that my mother was an honest and respectable woman.   
  
  
I'm surprised that I hadn't noticed it before. I don't look like Dad at all. I had guessed before that that I just looked a lot like Mother. I mean, the picture of Danny has been on the mantle since forever. How stupid can you get?  
  
  
But, then again, I don't much like him either. The only things I've inherited from him are my eyes --hazel, if you really want to know-- and my tall-and-broad-shouldered stature. Otherwise, I look almost exactly like Mother and the twins--dark haired and skinned. Jake took after Dad in looks. The twins and Jake are tall and slim; I'm just a little shorter and stockier.   
  
  
I feel so stupid.   
  
  
When they told me about Danny-- the first thought that came to my mind was, 'God...my mother is a damned whore.'   
  
  
Then, Danny, sleeping with his best friend's girl? Even if your buddy was dead...that still should not ever be done. Never. I could never imagine myself with my best bud's girl...because he'd kill me if I did.   
  
  
Luckily, after they told me, I did not lose my temper. I think they didn't expect such a calm reaction from me...and that they were scared because of that.   
  
  
Of course, I just *had* to run into the twins after talking to them. Katie and Jim were playing blackjack on the floor of Jim's and my room. When Jim saw me, he asked me to play.   
  
  
When I refused, Katie asked me what was wrong.  
  
  
That was when I lost it.   
  
  
I really let into them; shouting and cussing. By the time I was finished with my rant, Katie was nearly in tears. Jim stood up, ready to punch me out. He's much slimmer than I am, as is Katie, and he knows that if I hit him, he'd about break in two.   
  
  
I had never yelled at them before.   
  
  
I ran outside, past Mother and Dad, to Danny's headstone. I dropped to my knees in front of it. My father's grave.   
  
  
"I wonder, Danny...did you even love me? If you did, why didn't you stay?"  
  
  
Then came silence.  
  
  
"I hate you...for leaving me and mother. You were such a goddamn coward...leaving the woman carrying your child to fend for themselves. Leaving her to be dealt with by your best friend, of all people! And Dad took care of me, raised me for you, damn it. I bet that when you left for goddamn Japan, you didn't even tell Mother good-bye. I...hate...you."   
  
  
A hand fell on my shoulder. I turned around.   
  
  
It was Dad.  
  
  
"Dan...you shouldn't hate him...." he said.  
  
  
"Why shouldn't I hate him?" I retorted.  
  
  
He sighed, and crouched down on the cold ground besides me.  
  
  
"Dan, I don't think your ma and I told you enough about your daddy. He was a real good friend, and a good man. Best I ever had. Ain't ever gonna have a friend like him again. An' he was real smart, much smarter than me. Helped me with my readin' all the time. He got accepted in-ta Yale, but he decided to join the Army with me."  
  
  
He paused for a moment, then continued on with his monologue.   
  
  
"Just so you know...he didn't know that your ma was pregnant. She didn't tell 'im. Your mama told me, though. If he'd-a known, he woulda stayed. But..he didn't know and left. When we landed in China, and he got shot, I held 'im in my arms while he was dyin'. Told him that he was gonna be a daddy. This odd light flashed through his eyes, and he smiled. Then, he told me that I should take care of you. From the way he said it, I knew that he loved ya. By that time, I could read 'im like a book...well, not literally..."  
  
  
Dad stood up.   
  
  
"And don't you think that I love ya less then the rest of the kids. I felt the same way when you was born that I felt when the twins was born. You're just as much mine as them. And Dan, think about what I said, okay?"  
  
  
He walked away.  
  
  
I just stood there. 


End file.
